VIII: Adjustment - And Justice for All...

This card is all blues and greens.  It is full of shapes balancing on one another.  There are balanced waves emanating from the corner spheres.  Alpha and Omega are balanced on the mighty scales.  The Lady of Justice stands poised, on pointed toes, and the very center - holding a great sword.

Face it, everywhere one looks on this card, one will find balance.  Justice is the balancing of both sides of a story, it is looking inward in order to ignore the outside influences - just as The Lady is looking inward.

The Fool is finally learning to maintain balance consciously.  Controlling the Chariot's opposites requires strength, but the armor is still there, keeping the inside and outside separated.  Can he not control them without taking extraordinary steps to keep out the influences of the very things he must balance?  Standing en pointe while holding a large sword and balancing the beginning and the end requires an ability to be conscious of the outer world while still ignoring its influences.

Finding balance in my life has been a journey in itself, and so far, this Fool's Journey through the Thoth has been mirroring that quest for balance.  I think back on when I thought I had balance, but it was so easily disturbed! As I grew more aware of my surroundings, I found there was so much more to take into account.  Those things I thought written in stone, were not.  Learning to go beyond the distractions of my own mind and prejudices, and beyond the distractions of the external world, is difficult, but something definitely worth learning.

Why, did Mr. Crowley, in all his wisdom, rename this card "Adjustment?"  Well, I would assume that getting to the point where this card sits would require a great deal of Adjustment - attitude adjustment, paradigm adjustment, etc.   Being emotional about something, having passion for a cause, can blind a person to the other side of the coin.  Being willing to set that passion aside and to view each side equally is not that easy!

 “Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.”

(Eleanor Roosevelt)

VII: The Chariot - Things Aren't What They Appear to Be.

Ahhh...The Chariot.  What a card this one is.  First impressions were all over the place.  First, the heavily armoured guy in half-lotus position, his hands in cosmic mudra - but holding a disk.   With a crab on his head.  As if he were enlightened, but still within a shell, so really not as enlightened as he thinks. Huh.

Well, then there is the chariot.  With its HUGE wheels and amazingly stout pillars holding up a canopy that seems to extend well beyond the confines of the chariot.  As if the method (the chariot) is greater than the journey.  Okay.

Then there are the sphinx thingies.  I am not going to set myself nuts trying to figure out the esoteric meanings here - but I see four of them.  Two white-ish, two black-ish.  One is a bull w/ cat feet  body.  Another is a cat w/ bull feet and body.  The chicken head is on the Sphinx (Like the Big One, in Egypt) body, and the Sphinx has a chicken body.  Things, really, they aren't what they appear.  Okie dokie.

Back to the disk held by the figure...it is similar to the overall image of the card - it has a red center, a white ring becoming blue - just like the red chariot, the white rings and the blue of the canopy.  So, perhaps, what is within mirrors what is without?  Or is it the other way around?

Bottom line - this is a crazy mix-ed up card.  Our Heroine finally starts to get a clue, and BAM! here comes the Chariot to challenge what we think we know.  Are we within or without? Are we enlightened? Or are we enlightened to only a point - is there still more to go? Those Crabs are shifty water critters.  Is what we SEE really what we see?  Is there more? Can we handle it? Are we in control of the uncertainty?  Can we maintain the balance that we thought we found in The Lovers?

VI: The Lovers - It's Complicated

This card is so chock full of things to look at that it begins to become impossible to find your way through the symbolism.  There are Cain and Abel.  Then Eve and Lilith.  There is Black and White.  Male and Female.  Coercion and freedom.  And binding all these opposites, the never ending and eternal mobius strip.

From the "I don't know" of the Hierophant to the complication of The Lovers, what is a Fool to do??  At first, things seemed to be cut and dried, even The Priestess had her place.  But now things are starting to get complicated.  Just like real life.  Awareness starts out fairly simple, but as the sphere grows, as more influences are felt, the confusion sets in.  The Hierophant has been doing our thinking for us, but now we want to understand for ourselves.  This is something that you can't just be told about, you have to experience it to understand.

Personally, this card leaves me confused.  The Hierophant is hooded now - no longer is he telling me what to do.  He is not acting as my intermediary any longer.  It is time that I start standing on my own.  It is time that I start making sense of the Universe on my own.  Finding balance between things that seem so diametrically opposed.  Uniting the poles and finding the center point where balance is possible.  There is no right nor wrong, there are only differences.

V: The Hierophant - The Regurgitator

This is is a difficult card.  I wonder why?  It has a negative connotation in so many tarot  interpretations.  Perhaps that is due to the Hierophant standing as the unyielding school master.  The cruel keeper of so many wonderful secrets.  He seems to have the power, but does he use it for Good? Or does he fulfill his own motives?

Looking at this card, I see the goddess as the source of the illumination, which is then dispensed by the Hierophant.   I see the bull - Taurus - always a force to be reckoned with.  He sits on the bull - does that mean he is controlling that force?  The lessons learned in life are not always clear.  Where does the knowledge come from? From whom? Is the message being misinterpreted along the way?

This is my "I don't know" card.  On one level, I find that disturbing.  I can spout off the typical Hierophant interpretation and move on.  But it rarely seems enough.  It seems as if it just doesn't cover all the bases.  But on the other hand, it makes sense that this the "I don't know" card.  I DON'T know.  I am not there yet.  I am having to depend on intermediaries at this point to interpret those things I don't understand.  It gives me enough to move forward, but a sense of awareness (thank you Magus and Priestess) ensures that I don't fall into the trap of complacency - of blindly accepting the word of someone else as Truth.

IV: The Emperor - Keeper of Order

RED!!  YELLOW!!!

Danger! Fire! War! Order!

I am not much into "keywords," but these were the first words I thought of when I studied this card.  It is very structured with frivolity of spirit obviously in tight control.  Each line is drawn with precision, as if the fate of the world depended on it.  His face is without love, and full of judgment.

Hmmm...who does he remind me of?? My father? No.  That guy was too much without order.  An alcoholic musician type.  Not really the "Emperor" type at all.  My ex?  No.  He was cruel.  The Emperor is not cruel.  He is precise.  My current husband? Give me a break.  He is a Pisces through and through.

Well, that does it for male figures in my life.  But wait! The cards are not gender specific.  Perhaps maybe, just maybe, the person of whom I am reminded is...myself.

"No way!" "Not possible."  I really said that to myself.  Several times.  But wait, lets be honest for a moment.  I have been called cold, rigid, unyielding.  I have been called fair, just, and rule-oriented. And compassionate, caring, and warm.  Well what is it?

It is me, though.  Why? Because the rigidity is the glue that holds me together.  Being cold is not cold, it is realistic.  I can be compassionate, but I am also realistic.  Fair? Yes, I am.  I try to look at both sides of an issue.  Balance is important.  Like the Rams and the Lamb.  These are the same things - but different perspectives.  They both have value, but neither must be allowed to rule  unhindered.  One thing that bothers me about this card, is that there are more Rams than Lambs.  To me, this shows that more emphasis is placed on Might and that what is perceived as weakness is being de-emphasized.  Sometimes, I *do* tend to be more "ordered" than necessary.  I have a problem with spontaneity, it disrupts the order! The search for Balance continues.

But, there it is.  Thus far, I have journeyed from pure innocence to being a keeper of Order. What has been learned as Magus, Priestess, and Empress becomes ordered.  The maternal meets the paternal.  From Chaos comes Order.  There is so much more to learn.  Order isn't everything - the Lamb can't just be  hidden away as if it doesn't exist! It is part of the Whole.  Perhaps, as I travel along, I will learn to find that balance.  

III: The Empress: Nurture and Nature

The Empress is a beautiful card.   Meditating on it was interesting.  Last nite, meditation consisted of staring at the card thinking how peaceful and pretty it was.  Today, however, while I was laying in a tub of hot water trying to ease the pain, I was struck by how I was floating in the water, giving my pain to it, and feeling the kind of comfort and ease that comes when you feel safe and warm.  Like the embrace of a mother's arms, or the warm embrace of fluids within the womb.  We are born, and yet we still wait to be born.  A cycle of renewal and discovery as gentle as that as shown in the Empress.  

This card was distinctly feminine.  And even though I am female and identify as such, femininity and maternal feels are uncomfortable subjects for me.  I have a child, but I never really felt a strong maternal instinct and often wondered if something were wrong with me!  I watched my friends nurture their children, while mine was given the necessities of life.  I view the Empress as embodying those aspects that are missing (or under developed) within myself.

So, The Fool bounds on to the scene a utterly blank canvas.  His eyes are wide and empty, he is ready to experience Life.  The Magus teaches him what the experiences mean - he understands cause and effect now.   The Priestess tells him that there is more, much more, than just what he can see and experience with his physical senses.  There is Mystery.  But perhaps The Fool isn't ready to experience Mystery.  The Empress shows him the meaning of Life, and how it comes to be.  Maternal love with its selfless giving and eternal embrace prepares him for what lies ahead...

II: The Priestess - Lifting the Veil

This card is beautiful.  The colors, the images, the geometric complexity - it is all beautiful.  I also found it very soothing to look at.

At this point in my exploration of the Thoth, I am not getting bogged down with the heavy esoteric symbolism.  Currently, I am trying to be approach them intuitively - just opening myself to what I see and how it makes me feel.  From the perspective of a Fool's Journey, anyway.

If The Fool is an empty vessel and The Magus is knowledge, then The Priestess is awareness.  Awareness of not just that which is front of your eyes, but of Mystery (purposely with the capital M!).   

In my personal experience, this would be like when I first read the Dhammapada.  I sat down and read it one day, and when I was done, everything I experienced was illuminated. The trees were greener, the sky bluer.  It was amazing.  The veil that was in front of my eyes was lifted for awhile.  I have had this experience several times.  But, it seems the veil falls again, leaving me with the memories of the experience of heightened awareness.  

The Priestess is that moment of awareness - the promise that there is more to see, to perceive, to experience at a higher level than just the five senses.  

I: The Magus - Master of Secrets

Once again, I am drawn to the face of the figure in the card.  With The Fool it was those wide open eyes.  With The Magus, it is that look.  It is hard to describe, but to me it is a look of concentration with a hint of conceit.  But then, why not?  The Magus has gained great knowledge, he is the master of the suits and what they mean.

The Fool is knowledge, but The Magus is understanding.  Once again, related to my own experiences, I look back on the negative experiences in my life.  After leaving the abusive relationship, I spent a lot of time trying to understand WHY it happened.  Not the "why me?" question, but a deeper kind of "why did I allow it?"  It was during this time that I spent a great deal of time studying The Devil card.  That is for later...

Seeking an understanding, examining the elements that create a situation, and studying one's self is (to me) what The Magus is about.  Of course, it isn't always a good thing - with knowledge comes a great deal of responsibility.   There is the danger of becoming overly sure of one's ability, forgetting the details and getting sloppy.  You can know alot, but you can't know everything.

0: The Fool - The Innocence of Unknowing

The first thing I notice with this fool is those eyes - those wide eyes with nothing behind them.  They are wide open to the world and haven't yet been subjected to the rose colored lenses that we use to filter experiences.

I used to view The Fool as that simple innocence, a happy and care-free kind of innocence.  But now, I have seen The Fool in a different light.  This is the epitome of ignorance as bliss.  Unknowing is an innocence that is borne from, well, not knowing.  I was innocent to physical abuse at the hands of an alleged love one, until it happened.  I was innocent to the feelings surrounding the death of a loved one, until my first husband died.

Meditation upon The Fool was not a fun thing.  I recalled the instances where my innocence was shattered by experience.  Betrayal by a friend, failure, disappointment, heart break, loss.  But they weren't all negative things, though.  I read in The Prophet (Khalil Gibran) that the soaring of joy can only be measured against the depth of despair.  The Fool is like that center line between the two.  Once Despair is felt, Joy becomes a possibility - a reflection of that depth.  (and of course, vice versa)

But how to use this in an interpretive sense? I guess that I would look to this card as a pivot point.  And perhaps that is what is has been all along.  This card could indicate the brink of a journey - either external or internal.   Depending on location and surroundings, it could teeter either direction - towards dizzying heights or downward to the depths of one's very being.