Ouch

Today has been a strange day.  Not in a nice way, but tense and unpleasant.  It started out well enough, but then I started working on studying for the FE exam (fundamentals of engineering), which got me in a right state.  My concentration is Computer Engineering Technology so, like most Computer and Electrical Engineers, have had NO course work in statics, thermodynamics, etc., etc., etc.  It wasn't pretty.  I do expect to fail the exam, though I would like to not fail it miserably.  I have less than 3 weeks to go.

Then I decided to just take a quick look at the most troublesome component of my senior design project.  Huge mistake.  I am one of those people who get lost in the work - to the point where if somebody/something doesn't break my concentration, I will just stay there forever.   It didn't go well, and finally the dogs were like, "HEY!!! IT is sunny out, take us out, take us out, TAKE US OUT!!!"  I need to be nudged out of concentration like that, not dropped kick, so I came out mad.  

We went out and I knew I needed to step away from that project, I wasn't supposed to deal with it at all this weekend.  I did some gardening in the front where the dogs are. The oldest decides he doesn't want to be outside in the nice sunny weather and is throwing (yes throwing) himself at the door.  He is obviously stressed (he has "issues"), but I try to engage him to get him comfortable.  

Unfortunately, I am still in a bit of a state, and he can tell.  It goes from bad to worse and I finally just pack it in and we all go in.  He runs straight to his kennel and hides.  I give them their Kongs to play with and he comes and get his, but straight back to this kennel.  He is scared and uncomfortable.  And it is my fault. 

Long winded, aren't I?  So here I am in the office and I decide to draw a card from the closest deck I can reach (Tarot of the Secret Forest).  I shuffle and out pops a card before I can draw:

XV - Devil.

Gee.  

If you have ever seen the TOSF Devil, you can imagine how I felt as I looked at MYSELF as that fearsome bug, with its barbs and stinger, and look of viciousness.  It popped out on the dark side and that is even more dismal.  

Once again, this deck has nailed it.  And has also given me something to think about.  I created this tension today. I knew better, but I didn't stop.  I knew I was frustrated and I know that I can turn into a surly bitch.   This card should serve as a reminder for the future.